After the drama of the great Champion Hill burger bar brawl that preceded the Staines Massive's win at the Hamlet you would think after looking at the referee's report after our match at the same venue just seven days later there had been an absolute riot on the pitch. There was more Old Yeller than a custard pie fight and two red cards in a dramatic match that was condemned on all sides as a match without a decent challenge let alone anything justifying two dismissals.

Up until that moment the Blues were bottom of the fair play table! After all that drama and with stoppage time approaching double figures the Blues skipper demonstrated how to send the away supporters barmy and nine hundred (count 'em) home supporters crying into their Hamlet with a nifty little header over a parked bus. While the goal was well deserved it's not going to make many any shortlists so the highlight of the highlights is the world famous Dulwich Rabble being silenced and the Blue Territorial Army and the lads in the dugout going delightfully barmy.

Some time last week football threw up one of those funny old things that even Saint & Greavsie would struggle to match. Earlier this year we made the short journey to Bridge Avenue to play Hornchurch on a heavy old pitch on a damp and chilly January night. One of our players spent quite a bit of that night sitting on that heavy old pitch waving his arms in the general direction of warmer climes as he struggled against the conditions and a typical Hornchurch display. I don't think he pulled a Blue shirt on again and was soon following the old gaffer south of the river and it wasn't too long after that he left the country altogether to return to his home town club. Which qualified for the Europa league. Joseph Zerafa then played against West Ham in the early rounds of the competition and last week made a full-international appearance for Malta against Azerbaijan in a European Championship qualification match. As nice a guy as Joseph is and as much as I wish him the best of footballing fortune I still think he would struggle to get into our starting eleven!

Some time earlier last week football threw up one of those funny old things that the previously mentioned gentlemen would struggle to match. I was at the Brentwood 'Arena' (which must be Essex-speak for empty room) as Leatherhead contrived to shoot themselves in the foot several times over. The hosts were presented...and I mean presented as in gift-wrapped, delivered and served on a platter...with four shots on target and scored every one of them. Aside from the penalty to open the scoring, a Leatherhead defender's ten-bob- head header that sent two strikers clear for an easy tap in, the Leatherhead 'keeper throwing the ball out to a defender and not telling him leading to another easy tap in and Brentwood's one-two with the International Space Station that made a defender duck out of the way and gift an easy tap there wasn't a save for either keeper to make. How that game never ended 0-0 is beyond me!

Some time later last week football threw up one of those funny old things that those old duffers that played football years ago would waffle about around about lunchtime on a Saturday. I travelled out into the wilderness and watched a strange game of football at a cracking little ground on the edge of civilisation. United were hosting the Jets who somehow found themselves going in at the break a goal to the good despite having been systematical- ly dismantled. It was to be their solitary attempt on target in the game and certain- ly more through luck than judgement. I recall the United goalkeeper kicking the ball he brought out with him back to the dugout before the second half got under- way and it's the last time he touched one until the game ended...he could have done his ironing and jumped over the fence behind the goal to cut the grass and it wouldn't have made a difference as United camped in the other half of a pitch against a side featuring three youth players and two veterans that was happy to sit there with them and sing kumbaya and defy them to score. If the ball had been in play for more than 24 minutes of the half thenthe score line could have been much, much different. How this game didn't end 9-1 is beyond me!

Rooney United haven't started the season very well and LVG Trophy's men are unhappy that they actually have to earn their points on the football pitch but Rooneyland have booked their passage to France courtesy of a stroll around a worn-out carpet in San Marino. The commentator mentioned some other names but I'm sure he was referring to the fact our Shrek-like Mancunian Scouser once visited a university in California, got punished in school, found some rocks...on the beach, is a rough cut wapiti, left his baby's bed on a pile of bricks, went a bit overboard with the wood in his library, and plays with a lot of passion...or was it that he was a tart? The best thing to come out of the land locked microstate was a marvellous photo of some Rooneyland player scoring a penalty and in the background was the legendary Parker's flag with 'Grays Athletic' emblazoned across it. Marvellous.

On Sunday I pulled on my new boots, dusted down the old flags, polished the cyclone and the thunderer - I don't use a Fox 40 - and donned my old 'Emirates' kit and nipped to the local convenience before heading back to the dressing room for my contacts to find the door padlocked and the groundsman nowhere to be seen. I had to take to the pitch wearing the old double-glazing. In Scotland we were spon- sored by Specsavers but here in England the humorous banter suggesting you go to the eponymous glazier lasts a few short blasts of the whistle before your parentage, heritage and old age(!) are brought into question. It was a good match to be fair with the current champions holding the newly promoted pretenders to the throne at bay courtesy of a 94th minute winner. Naturally, the team conceding howled with derision at the amount of stoppage time despite earlier being happy with the amount of time allocated as we approached the end of normal and they themselves benefitted by scoring a 93rd minute equaliser, with the eventual winners equally adamant upon conceding that goal that they can only disagree by virtue of invective and bile until they scored their winner and I was recognised as a human being again. I've missed Sunday footy.

The Blind Football European Championships came to a close in unexpected fashion when group winners England and Spain lost their respective semi-finals. England, top scorers in the tournament with 15 goals and conceding only once, came up against a Russian side that were unbeaten in their group, had only scored twice but had kept four clean sheets. After a bruising encounter ended 0-0 the Russians defeat- ed their English hosts on penalties. England then met Spain in the 3rd place play-off, only for the host nation to lose again on penalties and end their hopes of qualification for the olympic games in Rio next year. Turkey won the tournament, beating Russia 1-0 in the final.

Last week we worked the lads hard in training in anticipation of a tough game, prepared for the game well and went to Suffolk and completed a thoroughly professional job. We expect every side we come up against to treat the match like a cup final and at the time of writing we antici- pate a stern examination of our credentials by a Canvey Side that has recorded three straight wins and will be determined to make up for the Blues ending one of the oldest hoodoo's in football after our win at Mill Field just two weeks ago. We have to maintain our levels of professionalism, commitment and attitude if we are to maintain these performances and continue this good run we are on.
The players and staff are right on board with Benno's philosophy and it is important that we continue to prepare properly for each match and each opponent.

Time to ramble on with the words of the immortal Jimmy Greaves ringing in my ears...the only thing they didn't get was the goal that they finally got.